PEARLS OF WISDOM FROM CHARIS
Dear Sassy Nation,
Hey beautiful! It’s Charis again, the loud laugher, the wife who is still trying to get it right and the twin mama who definitely hides in the bathroom as often as I need to (even in a mansion lol) and the audacious CEO of Sassy Jones.
So let me fill you in. As you know, we’ve recently moved and we are adjusting well. The neighbors are beautiful and it feels amazing to be right around the corner from the places we enjoy the most. Y’all are my girls so I’m going to be completely raw with my inner feelings about move-in day.
Over the past 2 weeks my anxiety has definitely been through the roof from boxes being everywhere, the movers not delivering the exact services they said they would (and telling us the morning of, that they will not be unpacking anything as we’d previously booked😳) and things just being all over the place. You know all the things that happen with a move!
So when I get a bit antsy like this I always ask myself one question:
Where is this feeling originating from??
Because what I know about human beings is that it is almost never about the surface emotion that presents itself initially. It’s usually about an underlying story, experience or emotion that catapults that surface emotion.
So I dove a bit deeper into this rising feeling of overwhelm to actually break down the thoughts so that I could cognitively restructure them.
Here’s what went through my mind. My thoughts were:
-How long will it take me to completely finish decorating this home? (the biggest thought)
-How long will it take me to unpack since it didn't go as planned?
-Where are my freaking things at??!!! LOL
Control’s origin usually derives from an inadequacy of some kind, whether that be insufficient trust capabilities, feelings of uncertainty or most commonly, fear. So humans try to predict and strangle the outcome as best as we can in effort to guide it toward certainty.
Yep✅ For me personally, I like things orderly and structured. When they are not, it presses my ‘control freak’ button because I don’t have any hard concrete answers to any of the above questions. In that moment, the boxes represented dis-organization and to me, they looked like Mount Everest because things were not pretty, as I like them to be. Whew, that felt good to say out loud.
So I took a step back and surrendered to the very temporary feeling of uncertainty and replaced it with an attitude of gratitude. Yes, I wanted to yell at the moving company for not delivering the services they said they would or the furniture freight service for another delay, but what would it change??? Nada, well maybe my blood pressure lol.
Babe, In a moment where you could let anything at all steal your joy, accept the fact that you are in control of absolutely nothing but yourself (and sometimes not even that LOL). Your perspective about whatever is happening in your day, determines how you will carry out your purpose in that moment and will ultimately design how you show up for yourself & others.
Because listen, what I WILL DO is enjoy and be grateful for every fruit I’ve grown. So however I need to realign myself and my thoughts to do so, I will. Your girl has positive energy to bring forth so the stale stuff gotta move its way out eventually.
(after I travel through my emotions of course, which I’m allowed to have 💁🏽♀️).
So be honest, as I have been with you. Are you afraid to give up control? When was the last time you felt instantly out of control? What do you do to realign yourself? Do you even know if you deal with control issues??
Tell me in the comments below.
Chat soon 💋
44 comments
Sometimes we have to take our hands off and raise our hands up. In times past I was a task orientated individual and hated not being in control, because I didn’t like the feeling of being vulnerable. Or as we say in the urban setting “Being played” . But I’ve learned now to pray and ask God to give me the wisdom to create two lists #1 Prayer List: Things I have no control over. #2 My List: Things I will work on.
Sometimes, I do feel out of control just as I did about a month ago when I thought I may become houseless again…but GOD!🙌🏽
So, I pray, pray, pray…and I pray some mo!🙏🏽
I know I deal with control issues because I’ve had to be the one in charge for so long that it’s hard to place that responsibility into anyone else’s hand but God’s!!! 🙌🏽❤️
Yes, most of my life I’ve had to deal with control. Control if used positively is beneficial. When control becomes over bearing or you lose control that’s when it’s a problem. The most recent example is when my husband became ill, it was overwhelming and stressful. I found myself losing control. Me finding myself in this place was out of fear, the unknown, and not being able to control or change the situation, especially me being in the Healthcare industry for many years. Over the years when finding myself in this place I’ve learned to pray. Praying brings a tranquility in my spirit. Pray allows me to relinquish my control into HIS hands, because I know HE got me. GOD is not the Author of confusion. Once I relinquish the control back to HIM, I find a peace that surpasses all understanding. Now when awakening every morning I take it to GOD first so he can direct my footsteps.
Yes, yes and yes. I think control can be a great thing -i.e. self-control when I’m tempted to do or have something I should not have lol However, often times if I want or need more control than what I should have or over something that is not in my power it can cause me to feel overwhelmed and anxious. At that point I have to put my full trust and reliance in Jehovah God and remember that man cannot even direct his own step (Jer. 10:23)
Well, where should I start 🤔, 2018 got great news I was going to college moving to Texas. Then my brother got sick in May of 2019 and passed away well I moved, husband back here in GA holding things down carving time out for each other and then in 2020 never will forget, on a plane that was the last out of Bogota Colombia on a college missionary trip, going straight to Ga for family time I was excited 😊, my husband had is routine checkup so we thought, back in Texas, focusing on final exams this week, studying and papers to write me I got this not bragging but A’s and few B’s . Never in a million would I have thought my husband would be calling me three way with medical personnel saying he has to get to Northside before 5 pm, but I am trying to explain where I am and at the same time asking why ( Lukemia) and his white/ red blood count was extremely low, I have always been able to handle the medical are emergency situations that came up but now I am feeling helpless not a trait I adapt to willingly. Fast forward Covid driving 50 miles each way for 2 years, yes graduated but not what was planned Covid changed all that , no celebration just fighting for my husband to receive the care that I was told he would receive, at times wanting to cuss get physical but remembering my call has a Minister on my life, but remembering it’s about my husband’s health getting him moved to Emory and getting his health on track. I can now remodel my home, doing it myself which I wanted to do but it seems we are running into things that is out my reach, so after quotes over the phone then they show up it’s a different price and I am saying Lord how much can I stand, but then realizing I have my husband and knowing the remodeling isn’t going has planned but I will figure it out maybe not today are next week but I know the strength that runs through me and the grace of peace that is mine when I take hold of it. Yes at times the storms come back to back but the sun shines in-between the dark clouds and they don’t last long. Plus getting my Sassy things and getting dressed up are dressing down for everyday reminds me of God’s promises, dreams do come true just keep moving forward. Thank You Charis Jones for creating such beauty, in a world that sometimes colors are gray. Love You SJSS family to Life.
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